I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
