I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
