I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
