I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
