Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
