I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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