Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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