Sacagawea was the original milf.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
