I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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