bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
