did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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