I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
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