What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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