He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
