i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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