Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
