I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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