wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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