260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i think i just lost a toe
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
