I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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