Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
