He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Houston, we have a blender
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
