I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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