That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
