I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
