I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
