I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
