FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
