New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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