I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
