Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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