i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
