you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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