He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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