Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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