I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
