What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
