I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
