I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
