Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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