i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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