we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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