she was so not down for the gang bang
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
