How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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