Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
These tits shall not be calmed
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Never underestimate the power of titties
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