party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize