im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
