So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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