why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
