Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
