I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
