Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
How's work?
Spinning.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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